What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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