Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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