saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
