i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
