she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
