Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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