Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm always down for nudity.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
