Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
