Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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