apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
