I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You made out with two different species that night
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
