I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
