Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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