what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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