She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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