To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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