According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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