Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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