mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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