You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
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you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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