dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
