I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
