ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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