he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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