im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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