worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
you made out with another girl for some wings
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
