I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
