They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
