I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
