why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
