Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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