Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
