Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
