he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
