I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
