Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
