Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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