I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
