you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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