You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
