Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
