at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
