ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I cannot find my penis.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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