I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Houston, we have a blender
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
