these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize