I feel like I'm in dance class right now
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
