tell your sister to shave her snatch
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
