idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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