I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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