so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
