I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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