my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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