Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
