i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
