it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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