ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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