I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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