drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
