i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
