I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
