I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
