I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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