So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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