i think i have herpe
just one?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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