I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
