Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
