Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
