Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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