I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Its about making memories worth repressing
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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