He uses pillows to masturbate.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
