his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
