At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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