Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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