Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
