Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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