If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
