It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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