I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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