Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
