i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
