take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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