i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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