you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
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I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
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It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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